Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

PURE ANARCHY:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP:
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

FEUDALISM:
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

James Kim and his family may have been misled by GPS navigation on their way to Gold Beach, OR. I heard this on the radio this morning, and I could not find any articles, so I decided to blog it.

I did a comparison between Google Maps and MapQuest to see the default directions given to a user when plotting a route from Grants Pass, OR to Gold Beach OR.

This is the map given by Google:













This is the map from MapQuest:













As you will notice, Google Maps seems to have a shorter route. However, to the untrained driver, some of the roads proposed in the shorter route are apparently only open during certain seasons. I, personally, had a similar experience using DeLorme's TopoUSA.

We had an assignment at an unnamed military base. Since we were not familiar with the area, we decided to plot directions to our destination. To make a long story short, TopoUSA led us to back roads that turned out to be live fire ranges.

The bottom line is: use online directions and GPS navigation with caution. Ask the locals around for the preferred route. I personally would stick to major roads especially during winter times.

My thoughts are with James' and his family. Hopefully, they'll find him soon.

Lechon Head 

Life at Tuburan Bay 

Liquor Store Tuburan Style 

Filipino Navy 

Tuburan Market 

Rooster Huts 

Lechon Chop 

Pissing by the sea 

Tuburan Bay 

Confusing thoughts and jagged visions. Last mile ahead. One more road block to go and another one to follow.

The wheel keeps on spinning, and I keep on going. The smell of burned rubber is ignored. The car makes a strong statement via the knocking noise from behind. The clock reads 10:30 PM. Flat tire. Dark skies. No phone. Three hours later I'm home. It should have been 20 minutes.

Ivan! Ivan! How dare you go chasing after Charley and Frances? The tears and whining that you bring; may they be your downfall. I shall not run away.

Frances. Oh, Frances. Stop sobbing and whining. The trees can't take it anymore.

I think. Therefore, I teach. I love. Therefore, I ache.

Oh Charley, where art thou? Boarded windows. Out-of-stock shelves. Tree trimming. Tampa on alert. Your eye is nowhere to be seen.

A song is stirring in my head. I can't think of the lyrics. A book is swimming in my head. Writer's block.

Heavy lifting leads to neck injury, but can be alleviated by the alcholic contents of the object.

An unexpected Milkshake joins the family. Arf, arf, arf she goes. Cute puppy!